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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be fun for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?